What Hurts the Most
by Underworld's-Reject
Summary: There comes a time when choices have to be made in life, some are easy and some are difficult. Some are not what we expect, and lead to broken hearts. And sometimes, later along the line, these choices are followed by consequences which have an even more painful result. Slash. Angst. Balthiel. Mentions of Destiel.


Summary: There comes a time when choices have to be made in life, some are easy and some are difficult. Some are not what we expect, and lead to broken hearts. And sometimes, later along the line, these choices are followed by consequences which have an even more painful result. Slash. Angst. Balthiel. Mentions of Destiel.

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural nor any of the characters. If I did, Destiel would be cannon and everyone I love would be alive.

**Warnings: Slash, angst, swearing, arguments. Spoilers for all of S6. Balthiel- Balthazar and Castiel, Balth is dom. Mentioned/implied Destiel- Cas is dom. Cheating, knowledge of cheating, character death. Use of the term darling- there's a Balth. I think that covers it.**

**AN: So…angsty Balthiel. This is somewhere in S6. Balth and Cas got together somewhere after Sam is re-souled and sort of ends… around 6x22. Established Balthiel from the moment this fic begins. Basically, Balthy loves Cas, did even when they were back in heaven like forever ago. He and Cas started up a relationship some point in S6…And are in a relationship. But it isn't that simple, because this is an Angsty Balthazar/Cas and is also a Destiel fic. Get it? Focuses more so on Balthazar and Cas' relationship though. Destiel is mainly just mentioned.**

**Also, mentions of Gabe/Balth friendship and brotherhood.**

**/**

Balthazar had always been a rather proud individual.

And since he had left heaven, his pride had only increased. Being entirely free to do as you wished and not having to take shit from anyone would do that to someone though, even an angel. That being said, he had never really considered himself a fool. At least, not until he had decided to initiate a relationship with his brother Castiel, despite knowing that he was involved with Dean bloody Winchester. Probably not the wisest move he had ever made. Still, he had expected Cas to chuck the human pretty quickly, once he realised that he had a far superior, angel boyfriend who didn't treat him like a slave.

Only, that hadn't happened. But he stuck around, waiting for that day, waiting for Castiel to wake up and realise. And he waited for quite some time. But it never seemed to come. Didn't even seem to be on the horizon. And finally, when he popped in on Cas and Dean get hot and heavy, he'd decided enough was enough.

So _now,_ whilst trying to erase that image from his mind and repress the jealousy that often threatened to consume him, he was waiting once again. Only this time, he was waiting for Castiel to finish up with his little human and pay him a visit. And he _knew_ he would. After all he did know his little brother rather well.

"He bloody well will," Balthazar muttered, rolling his eyes as he poured himself a good measure of some expensive foreign whiskey. He couldn't even be bothered to check what it was, but he knew it wouldn't taste like shit. After all, he didn't consume foul alcohol. Usually. Though he would be perfectly entitled to what with this mess he had worked his way into. He sighed before taking a sip of the amber liquid, relaxing slightly as it warmed his throat pleasantly on the way down. It didn't matter. He'd rectify things soon enough. Today was the day.

In the end, he had to wait forty five minutes,_ forty five_, before Castiel appeared. He briskly knocked back the remainder of his fourth serving of whiskey and then strolled over to his brother, pleased to notice that he seemed slightly uncomfortable.

"Forty five minutes, Cassie? Did you boys really need that long to get back into the game after my interruption?" he drawled, hiding his true emotions behind a mocking comment.

"I was not expecting you to make an appearance in the motel room," Castiel replied as his eyes darted around the room, indicating his discomfort.

"No, I don't imagine you were," the elder celestial replied with an air of cool indifference as he crossed one ankle over the other. It was all staged, of course. Castiel sighed and took a few steps closer to him, shaking his head slightly.

"I am sorry, Balthazar. I can't imagine that was a very pleasant sight for you to witness."

"Dean Winchester alone is an unpleasant sight," Balthazar retorted. The younger angel glared at him. "What? It's true. I mean, come on, Cas. He's a _human._ And an incredibly whiny, ungrateful human at that."

"You hardly even know him, Balthazar. He is a good man, I assure you."

"I don't want your assurances, thank you," Balthazar scoffed, rolling his eyes. "He's a human, and he's a bloody arse. And I can't believe that you can't see that. But, you know…I guess just being with an angel, who you've known for a very long and have always been pretty close to, just isn't sufficient for you, darling."

"Don't be ridiculous, Balthazar," Castiel shot back, looking faintly irritated. "Being with you is far more than 'sufficient'."

"Oh, is that so?" Balthazar asked, his tone and expression equally challenging. "Well in that case, there's no reason for you to stay with Dean Winchester, is there? Off you go, break the news to him."

Castiel released a heavy sigh, biting his lower lip for a few moments. "No, Balthazar. I can't follow that suggestion."

The blond rolled his eyes, refusing to let it get to him. Cas just didn't want to hurt Winchester, that was all. Which in itself was stupid. And he was apparently taking the wrong approach. Well then, it was time to up the ante, wasn't it?

"That's a real shame, Castiel," he said, using his younger brother's full name to indicate that he was serious. "But you see, you need to choose. Right now. I'm not willing to go along with this anymore. I refuse to be second best, I_ refuse_ to be your dirty little secret, especially when my competition is Dean bloody Winchester! So as I said: make a choice, darling."

"Brother, please… Don't ask that of me. I am not sure that it is within my capabilities to make such a decision," Castiel said, sounding pleading, troubled and regretful all at the same time. Though Balthazar's expression didn't change even a fraction, Castiel's response bothered him somewhat. Surely the choice was simple. In fact, it was ridiculously simple. Regardless, he refused to cave to those pleading blue eyes and instead forced a smirk.

"Well that's unfortunate, Cassie. How does this sound then? You make a choice over the next twenty hours," he drawled, placing a hand on the younger angel's forearm. Castiel opened his mouth to intercept, but he quickly cut across him before he could even utter so much as I single word. "_And_ if I haven't heard anything by that deadline, I will go and pay dearest Dean a visit and tell him what we've been getting up to." His hand slowly slid up the younger celestial's arm until his fingertips were gently ghosting over the side of his neck. "See if comes down to that, I'm pretty sure that your relationship with each of us would be over. Don't you think?"

"Balthazar-" Castiel started, sounding almost desperate.

"That's the deal," Balthazar interrupted firmly, his eyes narrowing. "I'll see you in twenty four hours, my dear Cassie." He flashed his brother a smug smirk and then vanished immediately after, knowing that he would make the_ right _decision. After all, there was no way Castiel would choose _Dean _Winchester over_ him_.

* * *

**Twenty four hours later, precisely…**

The twenty four hours passed rather fluidly for Balthazar, as he filled them up with his usual tom foolery, and had absolutely no worries about what Castiel's decision would be. Egotistical? Oh yes, but he _was _Balthazar after all. In fact, he wasn't even worried when Castiel appeared, looking distressed, his eyes downcast.

Balthazar stood up and walked over to his brother, laying a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be alright, Cassie. After all, I think even you knew that you couldn't be with both of us forever." Castiel glanced up, his anguish briefly fading as his expression contorted in confusion. "What? Don't give me that look. I may have a hate fest going on for Dean Winchester, but I still care about my little brother. Generally. So, how'd he take it? Was it amusing? Did you video it?"

"What are you talking about?" Castiel asked, pulling away from his touch. It was clear he was perplexed. Balthazar frowned at him.

"What are_ you _talking about?" he parroted, raising his eyebrows. The younger angel heaved a deep sigh at the question.

"Balthazar, I am not quite sure what you think is going on right now, but there is something that we must discuss," he said as he rolled his gaze over to his brother, his bright blue eyes shining with sadness, and pity. That combination briefly set alarm bells ringing in the blond angel's head but he quickly silenced them deciding he was being ridiculous.

"You didn't talk to him, did you? Oh, for Father's sake, Cas, do_ I _really have to go and tell _your _other boyfriend that your relationship is over?" Castiel slowly shook his head, looking surprisingly devastated.

"No. You don't brother. That is why I'm here," he replied, revealing the reality of the situation. The blond stepped back as if he'd been struck. For a moment his walls fell down, and his expression was so open that Castiel could read every emotion, see every amount of despair, horror and heart break. He thought his brother would look less distressed if he had physically stabbed him. It caused a lump in his vessels throat and before he could stop himself, he stepped forwards and laid a hand on the other angel's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I wish you hadn't made me choose between the pair of you."

The effect was instantaneous: Balthazar recoiled from his touch, the shutters came down and his visible emotions vanished behind them. Then his face flooded with anger which was something far easier to deal with. "Dean Winchester? Dean Winchester is the one who truly owns your heart? Are you an idiot?" He snapped, his voice rising with each word. "He is a human! God, I should've seen this coming. I always thought that I felt more than you did, but I refused to believe it! Now I know why so many angels chose not to feel!" Though he didn't touch anything, the lights suddenly shorted out over head, and the glass in the bay window was slowly consumed by cracks, until it could no longer support itself, caved in and imploded. Just like he wanted to do right now. "I mean, are you fucking serious, Castiel?!"

Castiel ran a hand across his face and released a long sigh. "I am sorry, Balthazar. But you asked me to choose and I did. I truly wish I could've spared you of this. I care for you greatly, but the truth is…I care for Dean _more_. And though I am feeling regret and distress, I cannot change that."

Balthazar stared at him for a few moments; he then clenched his fists and turned to face the broken window. "You need to leave," he started blankly, flatly. "_Now_. Because despite everything, I don't want to hurt or kill you. So you need to_ leave_."

The younger angel remained silent and slowly started to cross the room, ignoring the small pieces of glass that crunched softly under his foot. "Balthazar…"

The elder celestial whirled around, waves crashing and swirling threateningly in his cyan eyes. "Get the fuck out, Castiel!" He shouted, his grace flaring out dangerously and shattering the light bulbs just like it had the window, sending tiny flecks of glass raining down on them.

After a few seconds of staring at him, Castiel disappeared in a soft flutter of wings, and Balthazar was sure that he his brother's eyes had been glistening with tears. The bastard had no reason to cry. He was the one who'd been stabbed through the heart. He was the one who had been just been _dumped_ for Dean Winchester.

Now that he was alone he sat down by the shattered window, not caring about the shards of broken glass that brushed against him, and clenched his eyes shut as they started to burn. He placed his hands on the side of his face and dug his short nails in the side of his vessels face, almost as if trying to deter the threat of the tears. He was not a human. He did not cry. He could count the number of times he had cried in his entire existence (which was a very long time) on two hands. The last was when Gabriel had 'died'/ faked his death and left heaven. They had always been very close, from the moment he'd been created. He wished now more than ever that Lucifer hadn't killed him; he could really do with his big brother right now. Gabriel would know just the right thing to say and would slowly help him right himself. But that couldn't happen. The archangel was dead. So he could really do with being a mindless, cold hearted and unfeeling soldier of God.

It wasn't until Balthazar was standing before Castiel in Crowley's lab, moments before his younger brother revealed he knew about his betrayal, that he realised he should have simply left and vanished off the radar after Castiel had left him for Dean Winchester. He should_ have_ left, and he should not have agreed to help Castiel in his quest for opening purgatory only to work with the _Winchesters_, of all people, as well. But he had made his choices, just as Castiel had made his own.

It wasn't until Castiel took the knife out of his heart and replaced it with a blade through his back that he realised his brother _could _hurt and betray him even more than he already had.

And in that brief moment when he was dying, his grace seeping agonisingly out of his body, he was almost glad.

**AN2: Apologies for any typos, I right the majority of this late at night/real early in the morning. I am slowly going through this again but I could potentially miss some.**


End file.
